If you’d like to submit a question, make sure to submit it on my Instagram story on Tuesdays.
I am going to make several simple statements in the hopes that the person who asked this question will hold each of these tight enough to allow what will help them, and loose enough to let go of what does not resonate.
- Learn everything you can about the brain and nervous system. There is a lot of science behind why we do what we do. There is science behind our triggers, fears, shame, all of it. There are too many simplistic messages that dismiss the human experience, and assume all people have had the same experience and should react the same way. Run from these messages.
- Study up on the difference between talk therapy and trauma-informed modalities. Many with complex trauma have sat with a therapist and talked about their stories week after week with no plan of a trauma modality to help the traumas intensity lessen. Talking about your traumatic memories brings it to the surface, and touches every coping skill you have on its way there. To not have a process in place that helps acknowledge that, and then find a way to regulate yourself, can be extremely costly. It’s like igniting several flames, then putting paper towels on them.
- It really is so much about self-love. I know. I hate that answer too. But it is learning how to take up space in ways that respect the coping patterns (as long as I am invisible, I can’t get hurt), and acknowledge your humanity. It is naming your basic needs, your unique needs, and soothing any part of you who is afraid to take up space. Self-love means a lot of different things to different people. I view you it as the pleasure of existing without apology.
Confession: I had between four and 398 more things I was going to share, because I hate thinking about how little we know when we begin to heal. But, these three are really important and a good starting place and there is a lot further detail in this free eBook I wrote here (A Survivors Guide to Trauma Recovery).
Please keep your questions coming. I write on the ones I know others need to hear.
I’m glad you are healing. I’m glad you are here!