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“But, she’s your mother!”

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Oof! This is one of the most twisted and taboo topics that has come my way since I began sharing my thoughts on social media.

First, I am sorry this is your reality. It is ok to acknowledge that it is not supposed to be this way. This is a time that is often spent honoring, holding, and letting go of a parent who has been a key lifeline of love. When there is abuse involved, it brings a level of complexity that forces people to hide their experience because of how many people refuse to respect all the realities present here.

I can’t (and no one else should) tell you a yes or no answer. These are decisions you need to make that are fully aligned with your well-being and further healing. I will share a few points to consider with the hopes you can make a decision that is best for you:

1). What is your expectation of reaching out? Once you discover what that is, ask yourself if that particular idea/vision is realistic. An example: Hanging on for the moment where they tell you how sorry they are and you suddenly have what you’ve wanted for so long.

This is not about whether or not it is ok for you to have an expectation, but whether or not it can realistically be met. Is the thing you are hoping for realistic?

2). What is the most ideal outcome for your overall health? As you weigh each option, consider what the aftermath would be. Examples:  

Reconnecting after time apart could help me with _________.

Reconnecting after time apart could hurt _________________.

3). Drawing from question #2: What decision can you live with (and manage) either way? This means as this process plays out, what aftermath is ideal for you? Examples:

I feel like I will be able to cope best knowing_____.

I feel like I will not be able to cope with _________.

If you relate to this topic, I want to make sure you know it is far more common than people think. It is painful, confusing, and can feel isolating. But please know there are many who have had to face this head on, and it is ok to not know what is right and best yet. I would encourage you to invite compassion into every part of this. These are not easy circumstances and you deserve many deep breaths as you discover what your next step is.

I’m glad you’re here!

Nate

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