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Hi, I am Nate.
You will find through the words here, that I grew up in an intense religious environment.
I was a very sensitive kid. Even through continued hardship, I always believed in and found comfort in God. There was a lot of sadness in my life. The therapists call it “complex trauma.”
There were boatloads of bad examples of what you say and do to a child to ensure they learn how to perform through religion in order to escape their own shame.
The performance is like putting on a stunningly detailed mask: One that hides your truest self while everyone else sees its exterior glory. My life has appeared privileged to most. I bought my first business at 20, and still, two decades later, can tell you I have needed success primarily to buffer how alone I have felt. The success helps the image (nothing wrong here).
“Things caught up with me in my early 30s. The mix of confusing religious messages, and wrestling with addiction was leaving little room for me to genuinely know myself. The mask was starting to come down, and the unveiling was going to cost me everything: life or death.” I have been in intensive therapy for more than 20 years. Using success to escape what needs to be addressed has lost its power.
My truest desire is to share the parts of my story that I believe can impact someone else and help them know their own value. We all have wounds; no one is excluded. But when our pain continues to direct our path, we have to stop and change course. Last year was the pinnacle of my career. I was exceeding goals of a near seven-figure income yet began to feel that familiar tug of my life being extremely busy, but also empty. I dabbled with the idea of some travel and some time off. That idea grew, and then grew some more before taking on its own identity. The original plan was to take a yearlong sabbatical, rent out my loft, and work remotely.
Then I turned 40. Something about turning 40 can push you to make life decisions that you know will forever have impact on your lifeline. So, I sold everything, completely walked away from my career, and decided that I have delayed my greatest passions long enough: writing, sharing and connecting. So, off I go. In August, I land in Split, Croatia and will be traveling through Europe, Asia, Africa, and South America over the next year while writing a weekly blog sharing my story of trauma, hope and healing. “I spent most of my life feeling shame over the details of my history and adult conflictions.
One of the therapists I saw once said, “Nate, do you see your story as shit or gold?” It paralyzed me to think I had an option to consider gold was laced anywhere in my history. It always seemed loathsome and a journey of apologies from the inner me. Through the course of me overcoming my greatest hardships, I see gold. Even in the scariest and darkest parts … pure gold.”
My story of healing is the greatest gift I have.
The next steps are to enter a life of even greater health, healing and simply being known.